Monday, January 30, 2012

"Nine Muses"

                      Muse (noun):  a spiritual or intellectual guide
                                (verb):  to ponder or meditate

We occasionally hear about “The Muses”...but What or Who are they?
I often wondered! too!

The Nine Muses were Greek goddesses who ruled over the arts and sciences
and offered inspiration in those subjects.  They were the daughters of Zeus
(lord of all gods) and Mnemosyne who represented Memory. It is significant
to note that Memory was important for the Muses...because, in ancient times when there were no books, poets had to carry their work in their memories.

These Nine Muses were deities that gave artists, philosophers and individuals
the necessary inspiration for creation.  All the ancient writers appealed to the
Muses at the beginning of their work. Homer asked the Muses, both in the
Iliad and the Odyssey, to help him tell the story in the most proper way.

In painting, the Muses are usually presented as ethereal women with divine beauty, holding laurels and other items...depending on their faculty.

Caliope .........the Muse of epic poetry.  She was also the supreme Muse
                       accompanying Kings and Princes in order to inspire justice
                       and serenity.

Clio ...............the Muse of history and guitar.

Erato............. the Muse of love, poetry and weddings.

Euterpe .
.......the Muse of music; she discovered several musical instruments.

Melpomene...the Muse of tragedy.

Polhymnia ....the Muse of sacred poetry; the protector of divine hymns and art.

Terpsichore...the Muse of dance, the harp and education.
Thalia ........... the Muse of comedy, architecture and agriculture.

Urania .......... the Muse of astronomy; always depicted bearing stars,
                        a celestial sphere and a bow compass.

Today, in this century, our perspectives differ.
We need not depend on Muses!
Our sources of information come from much gained technology.
However, the basic need of every  human still Happiness!
Do we not "muse" about this quality of life?
(as sought by the Greeks and Romans in their day)

"Pearl of Wisdom"

If You Want Happiness:
                                      for an hour ............ take a nap;
                                      for a day ................ go fishing;
                                      for a week .............. take a vacation
                                      for a month ............ get married
                                      for a year ............... inherit a fortune
                                      all your life ............. it will surely come
                                                                         by helping others.
                                               (as quoted by a Rotarian)

Merle Baird-Kerr . . . written January 28, 2012
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Sunday, January 29, 2012

Goddesses ... Their Mystique

Goddess ... (a female deity)

A female is a being of supernatural powers and worshipped by people.
A female being is believed to be the “source of life”.
A woman who symbolizes beauty and grace is idealized by man.

In some cultures, goddesses are associated with Earth, Motherhood, Love 
and the Household. In other cultures, goddesses also rule over War, Death 
and well as Healing. Over centuries, numerous countries 
believed and maintained sacred concepts of “womanhood” to the scope of 
basing their daily lives on this type of worship and adulation.

In the present day, our knowledge of Goddesses originated with
and descending from Greek and Roman societies:
(there are many, including Gods)

Aphrodite:    Goddess of Love, Lust and Beauty.
Artemis:        Goddess of the Moon, Fertility, Childbirth and the Hunt.
                      She is the Protector of Children and maidens.
                      She is also a Virgin Goddess.
Athena:         Goddess of Crafts, Strategy, Wisdom and War.
                      Athena is also a Virgin Goddess.
Eris:              Goddess of Discord (chaos).
Hera:             Goddess of Family and Marriage.
                      She is the wife of Zeus and the Queen of Olympians.
Hecate:          Goddess of Sorcery, Crossroads and Magic.
Iris:                Messenger of the Gods.
Nike:              Goddess of Victory.
and others (too numerous to mention)

Every woman could use a little supernatural assistance now and then.
Do as the ancients did ... summon the Power of a Goddess!
Need money? Summon Lakshmi (Hindu Goddess of Wealth and Prosperity).
Want to advance your career? Call upon Athena (Patron of Career Women).
Having a run of bad luck? Invoke Fortune (Roman Goddess of Good Luck).
For every dilemma, there was a Goddess ...
who had the Power you seek.

Today's World

The foregoing does not provide solutions for us in our daily world.
We must find the inner strength and wisdom within ourselves
to create a formidable presence.

Inner Beauty”, published in my October blogs, states that this is “The most important feature in our human being.” I have discovered that this is the secret 
in exuding the spirit and soul within us. All our actions in a day, draw from that “Inner Beauty”. When this hidden self-talent is personally realized, we can tap into its resources and become ~
The Women We Yearn to Be!
It is believed that,“Eyes are the window to the soul.”
How you Feel ... is reflected in the demeanour you present to others.
           Take a few seconds to “smile” before answering the telephone.
           When leaving home, are you “satisfied with your appearance”?
           Do you “wear a red suit” to feel empowered?
           Do you maintain a “positive attitude”?
           Do you “believe in yourself”?

At the beginning of every school year (also in early January), as a teacher, 
I instructed my students, challenged and requested they, “Do Their Very Best...Aim to Succeed...Perform to the Extent of their Ability!”
          If a student's mark of achievement indicated 97%....Wonderful!
                                  If 73%...Wonderful! If 60%...Wonderful!
The Potential of Greatness is Within Each of Us!”

The public has long been mystified by the Mona Lisa “smile” ~ 
Louvre Museum, Paris.
We marvel at the  Little  Mermaid who sits on a rock ~
in the Copenhagen, Denmark harbour.

Consider the suave and svelte bodies of models: Kate, Heidi, Tyra ... 
Linda, Elle or Evangelista...all whom we admire...and wish, wish, wish!

A few years ago, I bought a box of picture notes with images of reclining “Goddess” figures. The scene is a paradise setting with secluded cave-like opening to the outside world. She lay awake on her side...seductively covered with a few leaves and a sheer shawl. Her long flowing blonde hair skims 
over her shoulders and breasts. It is so easy to dream of this fantasy
... to be ... a living and vibrant Goddess!

Breakfast at Tiffany's” ... Lunch at “Royal Botanical Gardens”

A long-time friend and I recently began signing off our e-mails as Goddess M and Goddess S. Every month or 6 weeks we meet for breakfast at Russell Williams Restaurant which we have renamed! We are told by patrons and friends that we each exemplify: a gleaming personality, wearing of clothes that “make a statement”. We enjoy happiness in our lives (overcoming and minimizing the occasional difficulty we may encounter); inspiration to others; sharing of life philosophies; retirement from professions that were assets to our communities.
How Special to Have Such a Friendship!
(and to think that we met over 20 years ago at “Women Who Excel”
                                        (a business women's organization)

Recently in December, we celebrated Goddess S's Birthday with lunch at the RBG. She had purchased an outfit similar to mine when we had previously met 
at “Tiffany's” and suggested we dress alike in this stunning attire. Since this was a Goddess Birthday Celebration, I brought my tiara for her to wear, set upon 
her similar blonde hair. Photos were taken along the artistically Christmas decorated reception and walkway areas en route to the Garden Cafe. 
The ambiance was so superb, the wait staff so courteous, the menu so inviting! Jackson Triggs white wine accompanied our select lunch (shrimp and egg roll).           The chef provided a large slice of decadent rich chocolate cake
to honour the special event!

We were Treated like Queens ... We Felt like Goddesses ... because We Were!
A Wonderful and Unforgettable Celebration!


Pearl of Wisdom”
Birthdays are Good for You.
The More we have...the Longer we Live!

Merle Baird-Kerr . . . written December 7, 2011
Wish to comment? ... scroll down (may sign in as anonymous)
or ...

Saturday, January 28, 2012

International Humour I

A Good Question!

A young Arab asks his father,
What is that weird hat you are wearing?”

The father said, “Why it's a 'chechia' because in the desert
it protects our heads from the sun.”

And what is this type of clothing that you are wearing?”
asked the young man. “It's a 'djbellah' because in the desert
it is very hot and it protects the body,” said the father.

The son asked, “And what about those ugly shoes on your feet?”
His father replied, “These are 'babouches', which keep us from
burning our feet in the desert.”

So, tell me then,” added the boy....”Yes, my son?”
Why are you living in Mississauga, Ontario, Canada
and still wearing all this stuff???”

Skinny Dipping

An elderly man in Florida owned a large farm for several years.
He had a large pond in the back, properly shaped for swimming,
so he fixed it up nicely with picnic tables, horseshoe courts
and some orange and lime trees.

One afternoon the old farmer decided to go down to the pond,
as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.
He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing
with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women
(from a tourist bus) skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women
aware of his presence and they all went into the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, “We're not coming out of this pond 
until you leave.” The old man frowned, “I didn't come down here to watch 
you ladies swim naked or to make you get out of the pond naked.” 
Holding the bucket up, he said,
I'm just here to feed the alligator.”

(Some old men...can think very fast!)

Texas versus Australia

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, “Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large.”

Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd
of cattle. The Texan immediately says, “We have longhorns that are at least 
twice  as large as your cows.”

The conversation has, meanwhile almost died when the Texan sees a herd
of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, ”And what are those?” 
The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, ”Don't you have any 
grasshoppers in Texas?”

The Best Computer

As you are aware, ships have long been characterized
as being female (e.g. “Steady as she goes,” or “She's listing to starboard”)

Recently, a group of scientists (all male) announced at a convention in Europe, that computers should also be referred to as being female. Their reasons for drawing this conclusion:

Five Reasons to Believe Computers are Female
No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
The native language they use to communicate with other computers
is incomprehensible to everyone else.
The message, “Bad command or file name” is about as informative as,
If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you”.
Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory
for later retrieval.
As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself
spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

However, another group of computer scientists (all female) meeting in North America agreed that computers should be referred to as if they were male. 
Their reasons follow:

Five Reasons to Believe Computers are Male
They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time
they are the problem.
As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer,
you could have obtained a better model.
In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
Big power surges knock them out for the rest of the night.

Catholic versus Jewish Golf Match

The Pope met with his Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Benjamin
Netanyahu, the leader of Israel. “Your Holiness”, said one of his Cardinals,
“Mr. Netanyahu wants to challenge you to a game of golf to show the friendship and ecumenical spirit shared by the Jewish and Catholic faiths.”

The Pope thought this was a good idea, but he had never held a golf club 
in his hand. “Don't we have a Cardinal to represent me?” he asked. 
“None that plays very well,” a Cardinal replied. “But,” he added, 
“there is a man named Jack Nicklaus, an American golfer who is a
devout Catholic. We can offer to make him a Cardinal, then ask him 
to play Mr. Netanyahu as your personal representative.
In addition, to showing our spirit of cooperation, we'll also win the match.”

Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made. Of course, Nicklaus 
was honoured and agreed to play. The day after the match, Nicklaus reported 
to the Vatican to inform the Pope of the result. “I have some good news and 
some bad news, Your Holiness,” said the golfer.

Tell me the good news first, Cardinal Nicklaus,” said the Pope. 
“Well, your Holiness, I don't like to brag, but even though I've played 
some pretty terrific rounds of golf in my life, this was the best I have 
ever played, by far! I must've been inspired from above.
My drives were long and true, my irons were accurate and purposeful, 
and my putting was perfect. With all due respect, my play was truly miraculous.”

There's bad news?”, the Pope asked. “Yes,” Nicklaus sighed.
I lost to Rabbi Tiger Woods by three strokes.” 


         Heaven is Where:                       Hell is Where:
         The Police are British.                       The Police are German
         The Chefs are Italian.                        The Chefs are British.
         The Mechanics are German.             The Mechanics are French.
         The Lovers are French.                     The Lovers are Swiss.
          ..... and.....                                         ..... and.....
          It's all organized by the Swiss.          It's all organized by the Italians.

Pearl of Wisdom”
Don't cry because it's over,
SMILE...because it happened!

Merle Baird-Kerr ... written October 21. 2011
Comments are appreciated...scroll down
or e-mail

Thursday, January 26, 2012

From Rags to Riches


(5th in series “Real Real Estate”)

NARRATOR: The players are Ben (Builder and Vendor)
Mike (Buyer Sales Representative)
Rachel (Seller Sales Representative)

The scene is a spectacular 4,000 square foot custom design home nestled
on a generous 1/3 acre treed lot in Tyandaga Highlands, North Burlington.
Rachel is Ben's Sales Representative who has been marketing his home
(since early construction) at $665,000 for approximately one year.
She has had Open Houses for Realtors (when nearing completion)
and devoted one day each weekend to Public Open Houses from 1 to 4 pm.
Mike, a Buyer's Sales Rep. represents a young couple with a small child,
whose current accommodation is a 2-bedroom apartment. By good fortune,
she has inherited a large ... Very Large amount of Money!

MIKE: Rachel, I'd like to show your custom home to a young couple.

RACHEL: Great! I'll meet you there to turn off the security system; in the home
you'll find a detailed brochure outlining all the features.

NARRATOR: The following day, as we realtors do, Rachel called Mike
to enquire about his couple's interest (or lack of it) in the property.

MIKE: They really like this home, but I have arranged other homes for them 
to also view. Her father has advised them to see as many homes as possible.
But, we're really considering your Builder's home.

NARRATOR: In the meantime, Mike has shown them several other fine homes, one which interests them in The Woodlands about the same price, backing 
on a ravine; in addition, the home has a finished lower level. The 2 realtors discuss location vs location and which home would generate better resale value.

RACHEL: Ben, Mike's young couple is considering another home in 
The Woodlands that has a finished lower level which seems to appeal 
to them more.

BEN: Rachel, advise Mike that I will complete the lower level for them 
at no additional cost, depending upon standard specifications.


MIKE: Rachel, my buyers would like to meet with Ben to discuss the 
finishing of the lower level.

RACHEL: I know you're trying to get this couple on paper, Mike...
may I suggest they put in an offer, making it a condition to meet with 
the Builder for discussion.

MIKE: I'll try to arrange this.

NARRATOR: Mike booked a second appointment with Rachel so see
Ben's house. Several weeks went by and nothing has happened. By chance, 
Mike's couple pass by when Ben is at the house. He recognizes them from Rachel's description. They discuss the lower level to suit their needs. 
Ben and Rachel are anxious to receive an offer, but it rests in Mike's hands 
and his communication. Two appointments are arranged for her father 
from Toronto to meet with them and the Realtors. They waited for 1 1/2 
hours each time...NO SHOW! Later that week, her father recommended
that if he couldn't make it by the following weekend, to proceed with 
an offer on their own.

MIKE: Rachel, we have a signed offer on Ben's home. It's now 10 am.
When can we present it?

RACHEL: I'll try to locate him and establish a presentation time as soon possible.

NARRATOR: Rachel leaves messages for Ben to call, but decided to go
to the building site where he's currently constructing another new home.

MIKE: Rachel, there's a brief delay with this offer; she wants to make a change.
I'll call you within one hour.

RACHEL: Mike, that's fine! Just call...the office will page me if I'm not in.

NARRATOR: Three or four hours go by!

MIKE: Her father now wants to see this home plus one other at 3 pm. 
Can you open the house for us again???

NARRATOR: Rachel drops her present plans to accommodate this request;
she, Mike and his clients meet at the home again and wait ONE HOUR
for Dad to arrive...NO SHOW! He had apparently left Toronto at 1:45.
Mike proceeded to show his couple the second arranged home and spent
an hour considering it as a possible purchase. Rachel, in the meantime
drove over to see Ben on the building site to advise him of the delayed proceedings.

MIKE: Her investment bank advises her NOT to buy such an expensive home.
They should buy a normal family home, as other young couples do, then
gradually “move up” as their family grows. What will their friends think
of them in this kind of home? They'll LOSE their friends. This is the
psychological guilt-trip her investment people are giving them. I've
advised them that the investment bankers prefer her to invest in “their
offerings”, I've also told her that this is a “dream home” that everyone
yearns for! I believe her father wants her to move closer to Toronto...
he's even looked at a few homes there, but he wasn't impressed. 
Right now, she's torn with a decision to make. I DO KNOW that she 
really wants this home...and nothing will compare with it now.

NARRATOR: In this delayed state, Ben cannot continue to own two houses...
his home in Oakville and the one in Tyandaga.. Ben decides to rent his 
Oakville property. BINGO! It's rented that weekend to a couple doctors 
for 18 months.

BEN: Rachel, we'll be moving into the new home the end of June, so you 
have until then to sell it, but now possession will have to be 90 days in order 
for us to find alternate accommodation! We need to send in an MLS
Revision to change the possession date!

MIKE: My couple has presented me with a new twist! Would your Builder considering renting the home, since this way, her investment bankers 
would be satisfied? Rachel, please tell me that he “won't rent it!” 
I'd rather SELL the home!

RACHEL: This is almost laughable, Mike! The Builder has rented his own home in
Oakville, and moving into the new house. Advise them, if they want the home,
they'd better “move now” because after June 30th, it won't be available!
NARRATOR: On May 13th, Mike called Rachel that in essence he was meeting with them the following morning to sign an offer.

RACHEL: Mike, because of the circumstances we've been through, 
I recommend that you get a sizeable deposit. Also, Ben will commence to finish the lower level and complete it by the closing date.

NARRATOR: On May 14, Mike and Rachel presented the offer to Ben; 
it was a firm offer with no conditions, very close to the asking price. 
He accepted it since we didn't want the buyers to delay further.
It was accompanied with a $50,000 deposit cheque. Closing date was June 28.
Isn't that Wonderful? ... and everyone was pleased. Ben and his family
would find another home ASAP. If only this offer had come in one week
earlier! However, the custom home was sold and worth the inconvenience.
Almost Too Good to be True!

Rachel drove to a bank in North York upon which the cheque was written
to “certify” its authenticity. Guess What? NSF...not sufficient funds!
Occasionally it happens, that moneys fail to be transferred in time; she
returned to Burlington.

RACHEL: Mike, we've a problem! I went to her North York bank
this morning and was unable to certify the cheque.

MIKE: She TOLD me she had called at 1 pm and the funds were there. 
I'll come for the cheque and go to her bank myself tomorrow

NARRATOR: Thursday morning.

MIKE: I was notified by the buyer not to go to the bank...she was meeting 
with her account manager personally at 1:30 and will get the cheque certified 
and deliver to my office upon her return.

NARRATOR: Her account manager didn't see the necessity of
certification since he could vouch for the validity of the money. She has 
now made arrangements with him to to have a bank draft in the amountof $50,000 to be sent by courier to Mike's office same day. Guess What?
No Delivery!

This tedious experience, with various reasons/excuses carried on for another
five days. Ben, usually of great patience, became very frustrated:
...he had started construction on the lower level
...he had already spent $11,000 on this task
...he had to be out of his Oakville home in 30 days

MIKE: Rachel, I've left messages for her to contact me...just heard 5 minutes ago.
They Can't Get the Money!!! I am So Disgusted. She's obviously Lied to Me!
She's totally embarrassed.

RACHEL: Where is she now, Mike? Home? I suggest you go over there 
and confront them...she Owes You and Us Some Explanations.

MIKE: I've just returned from there...walked in on a family meeting. I surmised 
at first they had guests and I wouldn't be able to speak with them. Her guests were...Her Parents...having a serious discussion! The couple apparently told 
their parents just 2 hours ago what they had been doing. They were living a “fantasy” at everyone's expense. She was crying and not talking. They're apparently worried as to what they are liable for and the implications. 
The parents told me, “The kids have no money! They have debts!” The father didn't know anything about the three appointments made for him to view 
the house...knew only 2 hours ago! She had believed that when we could not certify the cheque, the episode would end right there!

RACHEL: Ben will find this totally unbelievable! You'll need to get Mutual Release
papers signed by them if this offer is nullified...then Ben needs to agree.

NARRATOR: Ben was determined to seek legal action to sue the buyers...
for fraud, for public mischief and non-performance. Rachel advised him that,
in essence, the deposit was part of the Agreement, therefore, without the 
deposit, the offer automatically became “null and void”.

As of this telling, the total "added cost" would amount to about $25,000
and he was unable to collect one cent from these self-styled-purchasers!
And the realtors involved can only “chalk it up to experience” with no
remuneration for their efforts! This was the “height of exasperation”!
Time to move on ... develop another customer/client relationship
that is hopefully more rewarding. 
In Retrospect:

I was Rachel in this “playlet role”.

If the Buyer Sales Rep had checked and confirmed that his clients
were financially sound, the entire fiasco would have been averted.

The sizeable deposit should have been certified
prior to the offer presentation.

But...who is going to question
an inheritance of a Million Dollars?
(It happens!)

Perhaps this article should be retitled
From Rags to 'Fantasy Riches' to Rags”!

Pearl of Wisdom”
He who makes excuses,
accuses himself.
(French Proverb)

Merle Baird-Kerr . . . rewritten December 21, 2011
Comments appreciated ... scroll down (may sign in as “anonymous”)
or ...

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Female Mystery

Quotes for the Day!

Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater!

 If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby.

   If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.

    If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.

    If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.

She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her,
so if you give her any crap,
be ready to receive a ton of s---!”


Women are Angels.
And when someone breaks our wings,
we simply continue to fly...
on a broomstick.
We are flexible like that!


A woman is like a rose!
If you feed it, it will bloom;
'if not, it will wilt!


Merle's “Pearl of Wisdom”
Don't treat me any differently
than you would...the Queen
and I will adore you King!

Merle Baird-Kerr . . . written October 12, 2011
Comments welcome...scroll down (may enter as “anonymous”

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Patience and Perseverance

(4th in series “Real Real Estate”)

                    NARRATOR: The players are Dave (Buyer Broker)
                                          Warren and Kerry (Buyers/Purchasers)
                                          Ross (Seller Broker)

A referral came to Dave in February from another Realtor. Here was a young couple looking for a country property up to about $260,000 in North Burlington or Flamborough. Their names were Warren and Kerry. Dave met with them and arranged appointments to see 8 to 10 properties meeting their needs and aspirations. They selected a home in Flamborough Centre just north of Waterdown which they viewed SIX TIMES by appointments and Open Houses, accompanied by Dave each time. The Vendors (owners) were under great strain in selling due to their pending marriage separation.

Dave:   Ross, I have a signed offer on your Flamborough property and would  like to present it as soon as possible.

Narrator:  The offer was presented that same evening with a purchase price of Two Hundred Forty Thousand Dollars and was signed back by the Vendors 
to the Purchaser at Two Hundred Fifty Five Thousand Dollars. The offer was
conditional for 10 days on “house inspection”, water analysis, and financing.

Dave:   Ross, my Purchasers did not accept your Vendors' signback and have
initialled a counter-sign offer.

Ross:  Mr. and Mrs. Vendor, I consider this a very good offer considering what you paid for this home originally and what is saleable on today's market, so I recommend you accept this offer at $247,000...which is basically a firm offer.

Narrator:  The Vendors listened to their listing agent, but ignored his suggestions and signed back the offer to $255,000.

Dave:  Warren and Kerry, unfortunately the Vendors are looking to get $255,000 for their home and property. There is no point to consider anything less than that because this is the instruction I have from them.

Warren and Kerry:  Dave, we're not going to do anything with this offer
right now...we'll let it sit until the weekend to give it further thought.

Dave:   I don't recommend that you do that! The home has been shown 
to 1 or 2 other interested parties and in the meantime, another offer could 
come in. Please call me if you decide to do something sooner. I'll call you both 
Sunday evening to discuss your decision and another possible offer. You do 
LOVE the home and I would like to see you with a sign-back right away 
so we can keep the offer alive.

Narrator:   It is now Sunday afternoon.
Warren and Kerry:  Dave, we want to submit another offer at $250,000 
with all terms and conditions the same.

Dave:    Ross, I'm in the process of preparing another offer, which I would like to present ASAP ... tonight if it can be arranged.

Ross:  We're not able to present your offer, Dave, until 6:30 Monday evening
because the vendors are away and not returning until then.

Narrator:   It is now Monday morning.

Ross:    Dave, there may be another offer coming in today on this property.

Narrator:  By 6 pm, Ross confirmed the signing of a second offer.
In the meantime, Dave contacted Warren and Kerry about the 2nd offer,
but they decided to remain with their $250,000 offer and conditions and
hoped it would be sufficiently attractive to the Vendors.

Ross:   Dave, we're going to register your offer to the Vendors for now 
and then hold it until the 2nd offer comes in with the Sales Representative.

Narrator:   During the next 1 1/2 hours, the Vendors, (who are under a great strain even sitting in the same room with each other, and quite unhappy about
this whole situation), Ross and Dave coffee'd and talked to keep all calm.

Ross:    Mr. and Mrs. Vendor, we now have the other signed offer and trust you can review both offers and make a decision on one of them.

Narrator:   All sat around the table for discussion. Subsequently, the 2nd offer was chosen by the Vendors to work with because if offered them $2,000 more.

Dave:   I have unhappy news for you, Warren and Kerry; the Vendors accepted
the other offer, which was $2,000 higher. I will keep in touch with the other 
Sales Rep in the event the conditions are not fulfilled.

Warren and Kerry:  Dave, we should have listened to you last week and not 
let the offer sit  without doing anything. Now we know what you mean by, 
“Time is of the Essence!” when we have an offer on the go! We are So Sorry to miss this home. Now, we want it more than ever!!!!!

Narrator:   Seven days later, Ross advised Dave that all conditions could not
be removed; the purchasers were unable to free up money for their down payment; it was tied up in investments which they did not want to disturb.

Dave:   Warren and Kerry, you'll Never Believe what has happened!!! 
Are you sitting down for the GOOD NEWS??? The conditions on the other offer
are not being removed, so the home is now again available for you.
Are you interested in submitting another offer?

Warren and Kerry:   Get your butt over here, Dave! We'll resubmit our previous offer of $250,000.

Dave:    Ross, I'll make your day! My purchasers have signed another offer.
Please arrange an offer presentation time at the Vendors' earliest convenience.

Narrator:   That evening the Vendors were very distraught at having to again meet with each other in their already strained circumstances and viewing an Agreement of Purchase and Sale offering them $2,000 LESS than the previous offer. However, at this point, they wanted everything settled ASAP to get it
over with. They, reluctantly, accepted the $250,000, but signed the offer back
for an earlier closing date.

Dave:   Warren and Kerry, we, in essence have an accepted Agreement. 
The Vendors are asking you to close sooner. What do you think?

Warren and Kerry:   Dave, we'll happily agree to that! We feel as though
we are THREE TIMES LUCKY to finally be able to buy our DREAM HOME!

Narrator:  The Home Inspection was satisfactory; the water analysis was acceptable; but the appraiser for the bank to approve the mortgage was out of town and had to access data on homes in the area that had sold. The appraiser could not satisfy the bank with proper information, so she contacted Ross, the
listing Realtor, who provided her with the necessary research so the mortgage
could be approved. Once all the conditions were removed , the Purchasers
were happily on their way, preparing for their move...or so they thought!
SIX DAYS prior to closing, the purchasers' lawyer contacted them and stated
that there was a discrepancy with the water samples.

Warren and Kerry:   Dave, we've run into a snag and a new water sample will have to be taken. We hope there is no problem, since in 6 days, we close and we've no where else to go! Can you HELP us?

Dave:   I'll make arrangements immediately for another test.

Narrator:   Dave advised Ross that he had a spare bottle which he could use 
to obtain a new water sample and take it to The Ministry of Health on Mohawk
Road in Hamilton (the mountain). On Friday at Noon, Ross explained to the Ministry the urgency for quick results. On Monday afternoon, Ross again went 
to the Ministry to get the results.

Ross:  Dave, we have positive we'll fax the certificate of water
potability to both lawyers representing the Vendors and Purchasers.


Narrator: It is clearly evident that PATIENCE, PERSISTANCE AND       COMMUNICATION with all parties concerned, is VITAL ...
to putting a deal together!

The Purchasers consider themselves not only Three Times Lucky, 
but Four Times Lucky (because of the water sample) in buying this home. 
The sale has now closed.

                        Dave has long ago spent his commission money.
                        The Vendors have divided up their assets and
                        moved on in separate directions.
                        Warren and Kerry are living happily ... 
                        and thoroughly enjoying their country property.
(Names have been changed to protect their identity)

Pearl of Wisdom”
Never Give Up!
For that is just the place and time
that the tide will turn.
(Harriett Beecher Stow)

Merle Baird-Kerr . . . recomposed December 19, 2011
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Monday, January 23, 2012

Female Humour II

Three Wishes

This story I read within a novel recently...”Touche”!

Leslie Stewart was a public relations and advertising executive at a Lexington,
Kentucky firm.  In her late 20's, with a slim, provocative figure, she had an
exotic look.  A friend of hers stated, “if you're Beautiful, and have a Brain
and a Vagina, you can own the World! Leslie was beautiful, had an IQ of 170
and nature had taken care of the rest.

Aside from secretaries, Leslie was the only woman in the office.
There were 15 male employees.   It had taken her less than a week to learn
she was ...more intelligent than any of them.  Both male partners (who felt
much superior), tried  to talk Leslie into going to bed with them.
She stopped them very simply, “Ask me once more, and I'll  quit!”
But, as an employee, she was too valuable to lose!

Her first week on the job during a coffee break, Leslie told
her fellow employees a joke:

The first man said, “I wish I  were 25% smarter.”  The Genie 'blinked'
and the man said, “Hey, I feel smarter already!”

The second man said, “I wish I were 50% smarter!”  The Genie 'blinked'
and the man exclaimed, “That's  wonderful.  I think I know things now
that I didn't know before!”

The third man said, “I'd like to be 100% smarter!” the Genie 'blinked'
...and the man  was changed into a woman!

        Leslie looked expectantly at the men at the table...they were all staring ...unamused!



“Pearl of Wisdom”
There's nothing special about special people.
It's what they do...that makes them special
...not who they are!

Merle Baird-Kerr . . . written October 12, 2011
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Saturday, January 21, 2012

Female Humour I

The C-5 Crew

While the C-5 was turning over its engines, a female crewman
gave the G. I.'s on board the usual information regarding seat belts,
emergency exits, etc.

Finally, she said, “Now sit back and enjoy your trip
while your captain, Judith Campbell and crew
take you safely to Afghanistan.”

An old Master Sergeant sitting in the eighth row thought to himself,
Did I hear her right? Is the captain a woman?”

When the attendant came by, he asked, 
“Did I understand you right? Is the captain...a Woman?”
Yes!” said the attendant, “in fact the entire crew is female.”

My God,” he said, “I wish I had two double scotch and sodas.
I don't know what to think with only women up there in the cockpit.”

That's another thing, Sergeant,” said the crew member...
We No Longer Call it The Cockpit!
It's the Box Office!”

(Thank you, Sherrie, for sending the foregoing to me)

The Porch

A blonde teenage girl wanting to earn some extra money for the summer 
decided to hire herself out as 'a handy-woman' and started canvassing a 
nearby well-to-do-neighbourhood. She went to the first house and asked 
the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint the porch,” he said. 
“How much would you charge me?” Delighted, the girl quickly responded, 
“How about $50?” The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband, “Does she realize that our porch goes
...all around the house?” He responded, “That's a bit cynical, isn't it?” 
The wife replied, “You're right! I guess I'm starting to believe all those 
dumb blonde jokes.

Later that day,the blonde came to the door to collect her money. 
“You're finished already?” the startled husband asked. “Yes,” the blonde replied, “and I even had paint left over so I gave it two coats.” Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the fifty dollars and handed it to her along with 
a ten dollar tip.

And by the way, the blonde added, “it's not a Porch ... it's a Lexus!”

"Pearl of Wisdom"
You are the cause of everything 
that happens to  you.  
Be careful what you cause. 

Merle Baird-Kerr                   Comments always welcome ... scroll down
written October 12, 2011             or e-mail ...