Dear Mr. Trudeau:
Please find below our suggestion for fixing Canada's economy. Instead of giving billions of dollars to corporations that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan. You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:
There are about 10 million people over 50 in the work force. Pay them 1 million dollars each, severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:
They MUST retire. Now, ten million job openings ~ unemployment fixed.
They MUST buy a new car. Ten million cars ordered ~ car industry fixed.
They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage ~ housing crisis fixed.
They MUST send their kids to school/college/university ~ crime rate fixed.
They MUST buy $50 WORTH of alcohol/tobacco a week ~ and there's your money back in duty/taxes.
It can't get any easier than that!
P.S. If more money is needed, have all the members of parliament
pay back their falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances.
Also, how about putting the very elderly pensioners in jail and the criminals in a nursing home...that way, the pensioners would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.
They'd receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs,etc.
And they'd receive money instead of paying it out.
They would have constant video monitoring so they could be helped instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance.
Bedding would be washed twice a week...and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them.
A guard would check on them every 20 minutes and bring their meals and snacks to their cells.
They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.
They would have access to a library, a weight room, spiritual counselling, pool and education.
Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ's and legal aid would be free, on request.
Private, secure rooms for all...with an exercise outdoor yard with gardens.
Each senior could have a PC, a TV, radio and daily telephone calls.
There would be a board of directors to hear complaints and the guards would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to.
The criminals would get cold food...be left all alone and unsupervised...lights off at 8 pm and showers once a week. Live in a tiny room and pay $300 per week and with little hope of ever getting out.
Moving to Pakistan
Dear Mr. Trudeau:
I'm planning to move my family and extended family to Pakistan for my health and I would like to ask you to assist me with this. We're planning to simply fly from Canada to Pakistan and we'll need your help to make a few arrangements.
We plan to skip all of the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws. I'm sure they can handle those things in the same way you do here. So would you mind telling your buddy, Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif that I 'm on my way over? Please let him know that I will be expecting the following: Free medical care for my entire family.
English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need.
All Pakistani Government forms must be printed in English.
I want my grandkids to be taught Urdu by English speaking (bi-lingual) teachers.
Tell their schools they need to include classes on Canadian culture and history.
I want my grandkids to see the Canadian flag on one of the flagpoles at their school.
Please plan to feed my grandkids at school both breakfast (bacon and eggs) and lunch.
I willI need a local Pakistani driver's licence so I can get access to government services.
I do plan to get a car and drive in Pakistan, but I don't plan to purchase car insurance...
and probably won't make any special effort to learn local traffic laws.
In case one of the Pakistani police officers does not get the memo from President Zardari to leave me alone, please be sure that every patrol car has at least one English-speaking officer.
I plan to fly the Canadian flag from my housetop and put Canadian Flag decals on my car.
I shall have a gigantic celebration on December 25th.
I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals.
I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes or having any labour or tax laws enforced on any business I may start.
Please have Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif tell all of the Pakistani people to be extremely nice and never say critical things about me or my family or about the strain we might place on their economy.
I want to receive free food stamps.
Naturally, I'll expect free rent subsidies.
I'll need income tax credits so that although I won't pay Pakistani taxes, I'll receive money from the government.
Please arrange it so that the Pakistan Government pays me the needed monies to help me buy a car.
Oh, yes, I almost forgot: please enrol me free into the Pakistan Social Security Program so that I'll get a monthly pension cheque in retirement. If they have no such program in place, then to make one especially for me.
The government should also provide full time security protection against all the hateful religious loonies that populate their cities.
I know the foregoing is an easy request because you already do all these things for all of the people who come to Canada from Pakistan. I am sure that Prime Minister Sharif won't mind returning the favour if you ask him nicely. Thank you so much for your kind help.
An Airplane About to Crash
An airplane about to crash, had 5 passengers on board but only 4 parachutes.
The first passenger, Holly Madison said, “I have my own reality show and I'm the smartest and prettiest woman at Playboy, so Americans don't want me to die.” She took the first pack and jumped out of the plane.
The second passenger, John McCain said “I'm a Senator and a decorated war hero from an elite navy unit from the United States of America.” So he grabbed the second pack and jumped.
The third passenger, Donald Trump said, “I'm the President of the United States and the smartest man in our country...and I will make America 'great again'! So he grabbed the next pack and jumped out.
The fourth passenger, Billy Graham, said to the fifth passenger, a 10-yearold school girl, “I have lived a full life and served my God the best I could. I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute.” The little girl said, “That's Okay, Mr. Graham. There's a parachute left for you. The smartest man in America took my schoolbag!”.
(My thanks to all foregoing contributors)
Words of Wisdom by Merry Browne
The trouble with the world today is that people are most concerned
with what they're not getting... and not in the least concerned
with what they're not giving.
Compiled by Merle Baird-Kerr...February 15, 2017