From
diary of Sayed Jaffrey ~ the famous 'bollywood character actor'
“I
was 19 when I married to Mehrunima who was 17. As I grew up, I was
fascinated by the British culture in colonial India. I learned to
speak English fluently...wear suits with grace...and developed
impeccable etiquettes. But Mehrunima grew up to be my complete
opposite ~ homely, a typical housewife. All my advices and
admonishments couldn't change her basic personality ~ an obedient
wife...a doting mother...and a good homemaker. But, she was not
what I wanted.
“More
I tried to change her, more we drifted apart. Gradually, she
metamorphosed from a cheerful affectionate young girl into a quiet
insecure woman. Meanwhile, I started getting attracted to a co-actor
of mine who was all what I wanted in my wife. After 10 years of
marriage, I divorced Mehrunima, left my home and married my co-actor.
“I
had ensured financial security of Mehrunima and my kids.
For about 6 to 7 months, everything went well.
“Then
I started realizing, my new wife was not caring and affectionate.
She was only concerned about her beauty...ambitions...her wants...and
desires. Sometimes, I missed Mehrunima's caring touch and concern
for my welfare. Life moved on. My new wife and I were 2 persons
living in a house...not 'one soul' living in a home. I never went
back to find out what happened to Mehrunima and my kids.
“After
about 6-7 years of my second marriage, I came across an article on a
Madhur Jaffrey, an upcoming famous chef who recently launched a book
of her own recipes. The moment I looked at the picture of the smart
elegant lady, I was stunned! It was Mehrunima! How could it be???
She had remarried and changed her maiden name too.
“I
was shooting abroad at that time. She lived in US now. I caught the
next flight to US. I inquired about her whereabouts and went to meet
her. She refused to see me. My daughter who was 14 and son who was
12, told her they wanted to talk to me one last time. Her new
husband was by her side. He was also my children's legal father now.
“To
this date, I cannot forget what my children told me: that their new
father knows the meaning of true love. He accepted Mehrunima as she
was and never tried to change her into what he himself was...because
he loves her more than he loves himself. He let her evolve at her
own pace and never tried to force his wishes on her. He accepted and
enjoyed her person as it was.
“And
she bloomed into a confident, loving, affectionate, self-reliant lady
under her second husband's selfless love and acceptance.”
“Where,
as my selfishness...demands...and non-acceptance of her persona had
crushed her ~ and then in my selfishness I had discarded her. I never loved her! I had always loved myself!"
”
And
Those Who Love Themselves ~ Cannot Love Others!”
(My thank-you to Dilu for this true Love Story)
Secrets
of a Good Marriage
“My
wife has not so subtly reminded me, this anniversary marks 30 years
of marrige!”
(wrote Paul Benedetti, a frequent contributor to The Hamilton
Spectator)
“Because
a lot of modern marriages seem to last about 30 minutes,
many people ask: Paul, what makes a good marriage?
First
You Must be Considerate and Thoughtful in Your Speech!
If people said whatever popped into their head, they'd be Donald
Trump! Do not, under any conditions, say the first thing you think
of!
Example: “Do you mind if Mom joins us on our Jamaica vacation?”
(Your thoughts may be: Are you insane? I'd rather hang-glide into an
active volcano!) Instead, you must pause and ask yourself:
What offers the lowest probability of death...
or a week of the silent treatment, which is like death, only it
feels longer.)
Or
she may ask, “Honey, do you like this scarf on me?” Should you
answer, “I
wouldn't like that scarf on Cindy Crawford; it looks like six-feet of
old wrapping paper!” The
proper answer is, “Honey, you make anything look great and did I
mention, I love your mother!”
Secondly,
Always be Prepared to Compromise!
Early in your marriage, you're trying to decide where to have
Christmas dinner and your wife says, she just loves having Christmas
with her family. Then, a fair and equitable compromise is to have all
Christmas dinners with her family for eternity.
When
Making Large Decisions, Always Engage in Dialogue.
Returning from work one day, your wife says she would like to paint
the living room a bright tangerine colour. A reasonable course of
action would be to rationally and calmly drive directly to the paint
store and buy 2 gallons.
Of course, the most important advice is what doctors say about your
health:
“Choose
the right parents!” Same for marriage: “Choose the right
spouse!”
When we were first married, and I would introduce my wife, who
happens to be very beautiful, people would look at her, look at me,
and blurt out, “Boy, are you in over your head!”
I should add, these people were not Donald Trump!
Simply put, she is extremely smart and nice. And if having a good
marriage ~ is a 'crap shoot' ~ and maybe it is ~ then pass the dice,
brother, because I've been rolling 7's for years. I've been lucky and
I've continued to be lucky. Our 30 years together have not passed
without challenges: sick children...lost jobs...lost parents...but
it's mostly been filled with good things, good family and good times.
So, next week we will celebrate ~ and on that Tuesday night, I
will...or is it Monday?
Oh God, excuse me, I have to check a calendar!
Love is a Many
Splendoured Thing
(as sung by Frank Sinatra)
Love is a many splendoured thing.
It's the April rose that only grows in the early Spring
It's the April rose that only grows in the early Spring
Love is nature's way of giving reason to be living
The golden crown that makes a man a king
Once on a high and windy hill, in the morning mist
Two lovers kissed and the world stood still
Then your fingers touched my silent heart and taught it how to
sing
Yes, true love's a many splendoured thing.
Merle Baird-Kerr...scripted February 4, 2018
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